Grippette, you little sh!t

shouts my roommate

another one giggles
the first sips her tea
she is not going to miss the toilet
either of them
the last one chews on something
but her grasp of the English language
is not good enough
to take the hint

this roommate
the one that poops on bathmats
and doesn’t speak English
refuses to let me
go to the bathroom alone
I get that the Girl Code is a thing
but this is too damn creepy

stop it

no, I don’t want to hang out right now
it’s 2am for godsake
go to sleep
or at the very least
shut up

I have a roommate that’s never been outdoors
can’t make her own food
or trim her nails
poops in a box
and, sometimes, on bathmats
and never pays rent

cats are weird, I, the dog person, say
cute, we agree, but also assholes

© chris DINGLEY 2014
first performed for Words To Live By, Ottawa


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